In my search for Freedom-Love, I am finding it necessary to clear out my toxic thinking and make way for all the good things I want in life. Toxic thinking blocks possibilities, limiting your freedom. Thus, it is diametrically opposed to Freedom-Love.
Yet, we're only human! And. . . we have feelings, which, by the way, are important to share authentically. So, let me give an example to illustrate how to overcome toxic thinking as it happens.
I received a text yesterday from a man my friend is trying to hook me up with (thank you, awesome friend!) - so, I was happy to hear from him and we bantered off and on throughout the afternoon. My friend had told me that there was a wedding he needed to go to, and he would be asking me to be his date. After the text bantering he called me and we discussed said wedding. He was feeling a bit uncomfortable about going, though, for various reasons. I said to just go with his feelings about it and that, as far as I was concerned, we absolutely didn't have to go. We both hung up with the expectation that in the future we would go on a date, but hadn't made any plans. Then, I heard from him today. . .texting that he "was having second thoughts about the wedding," but he wanted to get together soon. I took that to mean he was not wanting to go to the wedding so I said "No problem!" I hoped he was well. . .trying to just reassure him, yet leave the driving up to him as far as what we would do together. He then responded inquisitively, "Umm, ok? :)" so I said "Did you want to do something other than the wedding?" When he said yes, I said "Alright! Gallery Hop?" - which is tonight, and I would have loved to have a date to go with. . . and then there was silence.
Immediately, I interpreted the lack of response as a negative. I started feeling dissed. I don't like feeling that way though, so I figured something must have come up which is why he couldn't text right back. I put my mind on other things. . . an hour passed without me thinking about it. Then, I checked my phone. . .no text, no call.
Right. Couldn't be that something came up, obviously avoiding answering. . .I was vexed. At least I was smart enough NOT to text while vexed (ha ha!). So, again, I put my mind on other things. . another hour passed, and I thought, well. . . I'll just forget about him - no harm done, right? But that didn't sit well with me. Because it left me with the thought that I had been dissed, and that he didn't want to spend time with me. Also, what if I had wanted to go out with someone else, and I was sitting there waiting on his answer? So. . I needed an answer, and that is not too much to ask, I concluded. So I texted: "Sooo. . .we're not on for tonight?" He reminded me that he was going to the wedding. So, I said "AAAAh. . now I get it!" and he apologized. So, we both were able to communicate without losing face.
In the old days, I would have dropped it after his first lack of response, and never known that he just was under a different assumption than me, or was simply trying to figure out a way to say "no" without embarassing me. My brain would have filled the void of knowledge with all sorts of toxic thinking, which I would then generalize to my overall experience with men. I am reprogramming that sort of thinking now, and opening up to a world of possibilities. And. . .remember not to text while vexed.
This is dedicated to Marci - an awesome friend who I spoke to about this incident this evening.
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