Male-female dynamics

Last night I received a long-lasting, life-giving, loving bear hug from a man I've been friends with for a few years now after I shared the following theory (just idea I am tossing around). It had an impact on him, and, for all you male readers, I would love to hear how it makes you feel.

The conundrum I mentioned in an earlier post is related to a fundamental problem I have also considered seriously as of late. That is the imbalance of power between men and women on planet earth.

As you know, I am looking for my life mate. So I am simultaneously working on myself, and what kind of a lover/friend/partner I could be. Not to mention, looking better ways to be around men so they love you and want more of you. :-) My friend turned me on to a self help guru named Christian Carter whose focus is mainly on women and how they can improve their relationships with men. His book and CD titles are hilariously cheesy: "Catch Him and Keep Him," "Make or Break Moments with Men," and "Communication Secrets with Men."

The content, however, is nothing to look down upon (ladies!), and is actually quite profound. One of the pieces I was listening to the other day (by his guest speaker Carol Allen) emphasized that men do not react well to being shamed, or to demands. In other words, whatever you do, don't trounce on his sovereignty, because he may comply for a while, but he will resent it and start acting like an asshole, or just leave. AWESOME! That is a great rule of thumb.

But it is also profound if you think about male-female dynamics world-wide. My friend had been complaining about how women are treated poorly in some countries and that he thought that is what is keeping those countries down. This is a cliche (if you didn't know) - which I don't subscribe to because women are kept down here in the old US of A, too. However, he had a very sincere intention when he said it, and something clicked in my mind between that idea and the "dirty little secret" of poverty which is that in many poverty level households the menfolk are drinking (drugging, sexing, etc) away the very little income that it can claim. Part of the success of micro-loans is that they are going to women who tend to spend them wisely (afterall, managing household resources is a part of our genes, right?).

Christian Carter's premise, and I agree with this whole-heartedly, is that a woman needs to engage men using her feminine ability to receive and let them take care of her. As soon as she makes demands, however, or gets offended, emotional, etc., the man becomes disengaged. Does anyone else recognize that pattern? Wow! I see it all around me.

Men in relationships like that, in which they are disengaged, are pretty much blights on society. OK, sorry to be harsh (remember, I did get a bear hug after giving a complete explanation). So, if we are going to get out of this global mess we're in, women need to reclaim their power (are you liking this?). They need to be the leaders, and lead men by showing them how to be healthy in relationships. Women can do this by giving men cues for them to respond to (men are sooo good at that. . .yay, men!), rather than demands, or shaming them. It is also important to verbalize your needs and feelings in an honest, non-blaming way.

I humbly put forward that this may very well lead us away from war, and other forms of tragedy.

In conclusion, although I have had my fair share of confusion (read:vexation) with them, I love men! Men and women are both beautiful.