Being a teacher, finding the right teaching/learning situation in one's relationships

Last Saturday I went to an event for work. My boss was the keynote speaker, and gave a rousing explanation of Ramadan, pertinent to both Muslims and those not familiar with Islam.

Afterward he, his wife and I were talking outside and he mentioned one of the questions he got. I can't remember what it is now, but it was one of those he has probably gotten a million times. I said "Don't you ever get tired of answering that?" He said no it was part of being a teacher. I said "You have more patience than God!" He pointed to his wife and said, "She doesn't think so!" I said well, she's got a different perspective!"

A few days later I was out on a date and the guy joked that I teach about terrorists for a living. I made it clear I was displeased and he got a little defensive. It's not that I haven't heard similar comments, but in a context where I'm the teacher it's ok. With personal connections i need a certain level of understanding in regard to cultures and areas of the world I teach about and study. Or a curiosity about them.

Teaching and learning are fundamental to human interaction. We are constantly teaching and learning from our friends and potential mates. However, I find that I don't want to be in the position to enlighten someone when, not only do they lack knowledge, they are not even curious or desiring to understand perspectives very different from their own.

That said, I went on another date with him yesterday. We went hiking in the woods together for a few hours, plenty of time to talk. I told the story of "The Spider" from the Qur'an when we walked through some spider webs. He seemed to appreciate it - I shouldn't be too judgmental toward him, perhaps. If I changed the way he thinks about Islam, all the better.

And, afterall, we are just dating! It is not as big of a deal in this stage of just having fun. However, I have come to understand stereotypes as serious problems, which lead to hate and oppression. I see that everyone has them - they are a part of the knowledge we inherit. However, as unavoidable as they are, it is important to take responsibility for them.

I clearly need to think about what my needs are with regard to this matter, in any committed, longterm relationship. Especially, if I'm going to live with someone. I want the atmosphere of my home to be a sacred one, free if hateful thoughts words or actions. I want to find a partner who understands this, and who I don't need to teach it to.

I would like someone who would teach me and challenge me to live out my values better, and who would want the same from me. A more even teaching/learning situation.