Wow. All that for the simple answer of "No." Apparently, I need to either do what he wants me to do, or be exposed to his venomous reaction. An irate or otherwise emotional response to "No" is abuse. He is therefore an abuser. When two people agree on there being a limitation to the two choices of doing what someone says or subjecting yourself to their negative emotional state, an abusive relationship is formed - I simply choose not to participate in an interaction that doesn't feel good.
I don't want to hate which would only drag me into that abusive state. I want to forgive, to let go - he is a human being and I understand he is frustrated. But how do you love someone that abuses? Talk to them - "speak your truth." Talking back instead of hating back. However, it becomes hard to think, to do anything, when you let their emotions pull you out of your good feeling place.
So, I have just been trying to feel better, focus on doing things that give me joy.
I also called someone for help to solve the problem that keeps me involved with this person, hoping I will be able to pull out asap. I can't even think about replying to his email without getting anxious, and I have been to the point over the past month where thinking about interacting with him gives me a stomachache. I somehow feel like I should do more, I can fix it. . .like it's my fault somehow. That is another sign of abuse and what it feels like to interact with a manipulative person. He actually stated in his first irate email:
"You are completely responsible for the state of this project. As I mentioned before, the only reason that this project is nearing completion is because of my devotion and commitment to it from the beginning."
Just reading that gets my heart pounding! How do you not get upset when you are blamed?
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