Words give hope

"You look beautiful tonight."

Those words, said to me while he walked by, made me smile. What can I say? It made me feel good.

I love affirmations. Can't get enough of 'em, really. Attraction can be wonderful thing.

Oh to have a man in my life say that every day! I have hope.

Making space, a new priority

So my eHarmony subscription is about to run out. I made a last-ditch effort to cultivate some connections this morning on the bus on the way to work.

One fella from the UK bipassed the whole "guided communication" thing to tell me I have a nice smile. That's the one that stands out most because after a while you've heard the questions from the system so many times.

As I was typing this, I was interrupted by an Egyptian man who works at the cafe where I hang out. Among other things, he asked me if I was married. I said no then I asked him why he asked, feigning innocence. He said, I just ask and that's it (with boyish grin). Then he asked me why I am single. With his English being limited and my Arabic even more limited, I kept it simple: I don't have time in my life for a man. He said, So if you had time, you would have a man. I said, yeah, it's simple.

Sometimes speaking across a language barrier really helps clarify things. I need to make space for a man in my life.

Need to be ready and open for when men approach

Last night I was eating dinner with a couple of my dearest friends when a man who I know from Econ class approached us. I didn't realize he was approaching us until I saw he was right there.

He was like "Hi!" and I really wanted to say Sorry-what's your name again?but I chickened out and said "He's in my Economics class!" to my friends. He was like well, just wanted to say "Hi" then went back to his table.

My friends looked at me. They were like, "so does he like you?" I was like, "I don't know - I couldn't remember his name." They were like "I think he likes you." Then one of my friends said, "The problem was he couldn't remember your name."

Damn! If I would have just followed my instinct and asked him for his name, then he could've asked me for my name without losing face.

I need to stop fronting. Period. Then, I would probably get asked out more. . .

Good vibes, bad vibes. . . the stinky woman on the bus

This morning the same stinky woman was on the bus. I feel sorry for her because she is obviously poor and has limitations on being able to wash. However, the smell makes me want to vomit. She has been on my early morning bus regularly for quite a while now. I think everyone is sick of it (literally and figuratively).

After she got off, the bus driver kept the back door and the front door open for a while, which I was thankful for. Then a lady got on the bus. Her nose immediately wrinkled. "What's that smell?" she said. After a minute she got a spray bottle out of her purse and started spraying the area. The bus driver and everyone else started laughing.

When I consider this issue of smell, it makes me think of the similar one of "vibes". I mentioned vibes in a post a few months back, and the legitimate need to stay close to those with good vibes and far from those with bad vibes.

There is nothing wrong with some one with bad vibes, they just aren't aware of the importance of positive thought. They don't know that they have a choice in their own experience. Just like we have to wash our bodies for optimum health and human interactions, we have to get centered and view people, things and situations in the most positive light. This also does wonders for health and human interaction. I do this by meditating in the morning and the evening (sometimes only a minute, but it makes a difference), and focusing on my breath and relaxing whenever I notice tension during the day. Time with loved ones, a good laugh, and the occasional guilty pleasure also do wonders.

How to deal with simultaneous communication

I unexpectedly ran into a colleague of mine at the airport today, on a lay-over.  He offered me a ride home so I called my friend who was picking me up to let her know he would be driving me.

While I was telling her about running in to him, and how I know him, he was, of course, sitting right there.  When I said we were catching up on gossip he laughed and said something so I smiled and started talking more about him for his benefit.

I was having a two-way conversation, but my interlocutors were having one-way conversations.  This used to be something that only happened at home if you were talking in a high-traffic area, or if it was a long distance call to a relative, so everyone was crowded around taking turns speaking. Yes, I remember those days. . .

Simultaneous communication seems to go on all the time now. . . it can be difficult to handle.  I think a rule of thumb is to be ready to either: a) totally engage with the interrupting communique, b) intercept the communique and let them know you'll call them (text them, IM them, etc) back, c) not respond.  Each one can be done in a socially acceptable, unoffensive manner.  "Being ready" for each one means finding your method and your policy for each one. For example, my policy for phone interruptions is that I give the person I'm with "in real life" precedence.  This means, I usually do not answer the phone when I am with someone.  If I do, I let them know I can't talk and ask them a good time to call them back.

To refine even further,  how much do you go by what YOU think is appropriate and socially acceptable, vs. what others think?

Here are some factors to consider:

• emotional bidding - as long as you respond to their bid, the chances are they will be fine with whatever you choose. 
• using direct language or a firm tone - actually, being apologetic can be insulting, implying they were living for this  phone conversation with you, or like it's a favor to them.  
• politesse - "please" and "thank you" go a looong way, also showing appreciation for the person's  communicating with you.  
• intent - a lot of what people receive has to do with the intent behind our words, that overrides all of the above. 

I would like to know what the consensus is on the above issues - would love to hear your comments. 

Like what? . .a river in Qandahar.

I asked my boss today, "like what?"

We were watching a skateboarder - of course with no padding or headgear - go down the street in a wavy line, the way skateboarders do - in front of a bus.

The bus was coming to a stop behind him, and he slipped between the cars stopped at the street light and the sidewalk and was out of site before the bus came to a complete stop.  He was fine. But had he slipped, or made some other mistake, he would have been roadkill.

We stopped for a moment to watch before we entered our building.  I was like, "Whew!"  My boss thought out loud that at that age one feels indestructible.  Then he shared that when he was that age he felt that way and did many things even worse than what we saw.  At that point, I could have nodded my head and said, "I bet." Or, I could have said, "Really? I don't believe you. (to try to goad him into sharing more)"  Or, I could have been absent-minded and just nodded.  But instead. . .you know what I did.

Then he shared that he used to swim across a raging river in Qandahar in a competition with his friends to see who was the strongest swimmer.  They competed for who could cross it with the shortest line across the expanse, the rapids always pushing the line to be longer.  He said there were plenty of rocks he could been killed on, and other dangers - well, they don't call them 'rapids' for nothing.

These stories from his life are precious.  They come from a time in Afghanistan when life was good.  People were freer back then, nature was accessible, and food was delicious.  Now there are Taliban, landmines and. . .well, the food is probably still good, but not in the succulent, abundant way he and his wife describe when they talk about the old days.

So that's the power of "Like what?" Remember that when someone shares something with you.  Ask for details - they might actually want to share more but need to know you're really listening.