Being a bearer of bad tidings

At lunch my friend shared a very interesting learning experience with me along with exciting ideas on leadership and authenticity.  A story she shared helped reminded me of when I had to give a message to a student I absolutely hated giving and which I delivered in a way that it was very hurtful.  It was about a very unfortunate outcome (we would not be able to pay him money) which was a result of his actions which were based on misinformation his department had given him.  When I realized what had happened, I decided to tell him because I thought he should know what was coming (not what he expected).  

It came across as cold.  He must have been very upset because his adviser actually emailed me to tell me what a horrible email I had sent.  I, in turn, felt very upset. Wasn't it obvious I was just the bearer of bad tidings?

After my conversation today, I reinterpret what happened as me staying in my mental capacity, not my feeling capacity, in order to protect myself and my organization.  This is when the most hurtful things are said.  

9:00 PM Call

While I normally am awake at 9:00PM, it is a time I am winding down and often quite sleepy.  I am a "morning person" which gears me toward being more alert in the AM. I received a call at 9:00 last night and, having enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine already, was too drowsy to pick up.

It was a request for a date!

He was like, "I'll be awake until 10 or so. would you please give me a call?" Ummmm...no.

I actually went back and forth on whether to call, but in the end I decided to go with my feelings and I did not feel like it.  I'm gonna call him now and let him know my schedule.  I don't have many openings left this week and I wonder if, especially after not having called when he wanted, if I will seem too difficult or even uninterested.  Perhaps, this discomfort is part of becoming used to being a girl with boundaries. 

But I have already put wayyy too much analysis into this.  Ha!

Pride Parade

Went to the Pride Parade and festival yesterday. There were a lot of people walking with shirts off, even a couple women. Scantily clad and outrageously dressed people form a key part of the event's atmosphere.

A group of young, shirtless gay men with nice bodies were walking in front of me. A preteen girl who they were about to walk by, stood up and asked for a hug from one of them. He said, "OK, but we're a little gross." it was hot out so he was probably meaning sweaty. She said "That's OK! All boys are gross." He was like, "Well that's true." after he gave her a hug.

Teachers: I love 'em now

I'm interviewing participants of a recent program we did for teachers to get some additional evaluation data. Today I had four and by the end of the third one I was dog tired. She had a lot to tell me - much of which was not what I had asked for. Evaluation doesn't necessarily mean you are asking participants to evaluate your program. It is for getting a clearer idea of their experience, and how program choices impacted their thinking. I am happy to receive suggestions for our programs, however, but by email. Enough said.

Luckily, the fourth interview was really uplifting and I got to learn a lot about the person's school. He told me they're doing a unit on water that includes every subject: math, science, social studies, literature, etc. It was really exciting to hear directly from a teacher what they're doing in the most cutting edge high school programs. Honestly it's far ahead of our undergraduate programs here at Ohio State.

I want to get out of academia but stay involved with teachers. As much as I hated them as a kid, now I think they're awesome. There must be a karmic tie. . .

An outsider asks me where the "safe neighborhoods" are

I went to the gas station to buy a couple necessities.  I walk by necessity as I don't own a car.  Walking down the street from my apartment building, I pass a corner surrounded by a variety of businesses (art galleries, coffee shops, restaurants, etc), then I pass renovated Victorian homes with gorgeous yards, a boarded up building, and row house-type apartments.  The houses are occupied mostly, not entirely, by white couples and families while the apartments tend to be occupied by black families.  There are also a lot of hipsters in the neighborhood, but I believe they live as roommates in nearby houses.

I got to the gas station parking lot, and a man spotted me and immediately headed towards me.  I must have looked taken aback because he was sort of apologetic.  He's like, I don't mean any harm.  I just moved here and some of the neighborhoods don't look very safe.  I saw a white woman walking alone, and I thought "That's a good sign."  What are the neighborhoods like here?  Are they mixed?

OK, I thought.  Do I tell the story of gentrification, or do I tell the story of "urban renewal"?

I was like, yeah, they're mixed. He's like, I know I'm not white.  Then he said something about the racialized state of society in North Carolina, where he's from.  I was like, "Well, I hope we can overcome seeing class in a racialized way.  In this neighborhood it is pretty hard to judge by color.  I feel safe here, though there are some neighborhoods nearby that have serious issues."

He was appreciative.

Talk about being put on the spot.  But I am glad I had the opportunity to break through someone's stereotype about color's connection to "safe neighborhoods."

Is life what you do? Interactions seem to focus on it. .

I needed coffee, and an eclair sounded like just the thing to get me through writing a paper today.  I walked into the neighborhood bakery, and only one other customer was there.  I saw his iPad at one of the counter seats before I saw him.

I got my eclair and my coffee and sat two seats down from him.  Their monumental eclairs take quite a while to eat, and I eat slowly (especially something delicious).  So, it must have been quite a few minutes until he spoke to me because I was almost done.

He said he had just moved in the neighborhood, so I said, "welcome."  He loved the walk to the bakery, and I said so did I - it helps keep me sane when I have a lot of work to do. We talked, and eventually he asked me what I was studying.  Of course whenever I tell people "global ed" they don't really know what that means.  So, I told him it had to do with technologies for learning, diversity, and issues of equity coming from a global perspective.

Hey!  That's pretty good.  I think I may finally have found a formula for answering that question.  However, on the walk home I was thinking "I can't wait until I can just tell people about what I do and not what I'm studying." Right now (and that's about to end - thank God!), I am so ensconced with writing and reading for my classes, I can barely think about anything else!

Becoming a specialist without knowing it

I had woken up at 5:00 and started working by 7:00 which I continued at full throttle until a meeting at 3:00.  That meeting was hard to sit through. I don't know why I did!  It would have been easy to make an excuse.  I did get good feedback on my writing, though. Good, in the sense that it is always useful.  It was frustrating - basically, "we don't understand what you're trying to say." and it should be "more accessible."

Always what you want to hear.

And. . .I was exhausted, so I didn't have the mental wherewithal to question and figure out what next steps I could take to address that.  They did suggest I explain what postcolonial theory was.

You know, no big deal.

Aren't I supposed to be writing to other scholars? Yet, what they're saying is true: a writer's job is to make meaning clear. I admit, though, at times it would be nice if the reader would work a little harder. . .