Random strangers. . the game we play

He called out "Have a nice day, miss!" from a distance.

I said, "You, too!" in a friendly tone.  I suspected he wanted something, but acknowledging a person's humanity is important and doesn't open the door for more conversation if you don't let it. This is the premise of many individuals (not all) who I encounter downtown: "I will function from the premise that this is a civil society in which we greet each other with no other intent than to be civil. Therefore you must respond, and I have an opening to speak with you and approach you. then perhaps I can ask you for something (human interaction, first of all, usually money, and, sometimes unfortunately, they want to harass you)."

My premise: "Since you are a human being I must acknowledge you exist, but because you are total stranger, there is no reason, or social obligation, to have a conversation with you. I therefore respond with kindness but show, or say, I am on my way somewhere else for important business (i.e., my life)."

To continue: I intently finished unlocking my bike and packing my things to go. He then called out something again, to which I yelled, "Sorry!"  He then called it out again louder: "Miss! . . .Pray for me!"

I said. "OK!"

And, he was on his way. That's the game we play.

Lucky number 7 (bus number 7, that is)

It was hard to wake up this morning.  I felt like I could easily sleep another four hours. But, I really wanted to get my yoga in and be on time.  So, I got myself going. 

My preferred bus is the number seven.  It is mellow, or, I should say, the people on board are mellow.  This is because it is usually on time.  Needing to load a bike before getting on board can make riders impatient on other buses. . ."We gotta get to work!!" "Yeah!" etc. . .

So, I was considering skipping my pre-boarding coffee stop where I like to fill my thermos.  But, I decided it was worth it to risk missing the number seven because: a) I like the guys who work there; b) it's cheaper than the coffee places on campus; and c) the coffee is delicious. 

They refilled my thermos and set in on the counter a bit far away from me.  Another customer blocked my way for a moment, too, so I came up close to get it just as one of the guys was putting another order there. He caught my eye and said "Good Morning," and I responded in kind. That was so nice.

It made it totally worth it! And. . I was just in time to catch the seven! Life is good.

You must be old friends. . . Oh yeah!

The Martini was served.  The lady next to me, who we had been speaking with off and on since we sat down, said "Now that's a dirty Martini." I said, "Well, it looks like a dirty Martini, but I ordered a classic gin Martini" (I like the hard stuff).  It was cloudy.

My best friend said "No it's just the frozen stuff." She used to bartend and could distinguish different sorts of cloudy.  Then she stuck her finger in my glass and took a lick.  "Yeah, that's fine."

The lady said. "OK, you must be old friends."

We were like, "Oh yeah!"  And proceeded to catch up on what seemed like years since we had last talked.  It cozy in the bar and the fact people could overhear, made us censor our conversation quite a bit - gory details were saved for the ride. home.  Aaahh.  So nice to have a friend like that.

Got called out. . .thank you!

Someone called me out on doing teacher mode.  He was commenting on the whole "dating thing" and I sort of tried to "set him straight" about the definition of dating.  He asked "Is this the teacher mode?" Ha! Touche.

One new insight regarding that: It's a defense strategy. Yeah. When I don't want to get into emotions - either someone else's or mine.  That is, it can be a defense strategy.  Sometimes I feel passionate about a subject and want to explain some aspect of it - in that case it's cool.

In any case, I really appreciate him calling me out on it.  He could just as easily, having felt turned off by it, which I am sure he did, ignored it and stopped communicating altogether.

My tribe. . .where are you?

A friend texted me at four asking if I wanted to meet for a drink at 6:00.  I have been wanting to do just that with this person for so long!

But, I knew I had much more than two more hours of work to do, and I needed to go home in order to get it done (not hang around in the area where the bar is).  So, I told her I wouldn't be ready to go out till eight and she politely declined.  Oh well. Kind of sucky.

It seems so hard to have friendships these days! I mean in the sense of ongoing contact where you share your day, the latest updates of your life, and talk about life in general.  I have so many long-distance friendships, and the friends I have in town may as well be because we all have such tight schedules.

If I ever do get married (have no idea), I would like it to be in the eyes of a loving community.  That is the only way it makes sense to me anymore.  Yet, it seems such a community is only in fairy tales. Where is my tribe? I need you.

This song fits my mood exactly, speaks a truth from the depth of collective consciousness: http://www.metrolyrics.com/future-reflections-lyrics-mgmt.html

Noticing things which make you happy

We had planned to go on a bike ride, but rain was threatening and his bike needed a repair. So. . we were at the park down the street from my apartment instead, watching people and their dogs.

I said, "I love dogs. I can just look at a dog and it makes me happy." So, we looked intently at an adorable little dog romping.  Its enthusiasm and playfulness made us both smile.  The dog was clearly behaving in a way which was intended to inspire play and interaction with humans.  Then we talked about the relationship between humans and dogs, and the devotion that dogs show which is probably a part of their species' survival.

Devotion is a beautiful thing.

Good feedback deserves attention, reflection

I recently shared this blog with a professor of psychology I met on the plane back from France.  One of his reactions was that he wouldn't want to be featured in one of my posts. I'm so glad he pointed that out.

Coincidentally, another close friend also recently said that I might be making myself vulnerable by putting these thoughts out in public.

The opinions of others shouldn't dictate one's life, but feedback is incredibly valuable, and when it's said in a caring way it especially deserves serious consideration.

Honestly, I feel bad about posts I've made dissing people (Aug 10, 13 and 20th, esp). Not nice! And. . . very hypocritical considering how I discern good behavior in others.