patterns of injury, imminent decisions

I threw my back out this morning. I was doing yoga and when I stretched my arms up into Warrior One I felt that old familiar shift.  Now I'm feeling that old familiar pain.

It has gotten much better over the years, but the weakness in my upper back persists.  Aside from affirming the true importance of the new exercise regime I'm starting, it indicates that worry and stress are still factors in my life.  After some intense issues and problem-solving this week at work, after a weekend of long flights and travel, it's no wonder my body succumbed.

I am still packing too much into my life.  Over my recent vacation, I decided it's time to focus on my dissertation.  No more full-time work, full-time student nonsense.

Breaking a bad habit. . . I go into teacher mode

I told my colleague about a really short date I had that I sort of cut off because I had to run to my friend's house to do laundry.  It was during that time when I had no electricity about a month ago and I have no shortage of stories about that situation.

She asked if there had been any more dates with him.  I stopped and thought. Yeah, there were two more after that.  She asked if I thought there would be a fourth.  "No. . ."  I said.  I explained why I didn't like him in a nutshell - he doesn't know enough about the world.

Sounds snobby.  But the problem is, if I have to teach it's like I'm at work (not relaxing and fun). When someone asks me something about the an area I know about it's hard for me not to respond by teaching them about it.  This guy asked me about everything.  He asked me tons of questions.  What are curds and whey? he asked.  What's it going to be like when OSU goes to the semester system? What self help books do you read? Really what's it about?

I really need to break the habit of going into teacher mode when someone asks me about something. Actually, I should call him.  I need to practice. :-)

Texting out.

I just 'texted out.' I feel guilty now.

A guy who is courting me called on Wednesday and I have been struggling with the idea of returning his call. He texted me last Friday to ask if I would be interested in attending "the symphony" with him and I asked "when?" He then asked "if that was a tentative yes?" I said yes.

Then I saw he called and I can read most of the voice message as a text so I knew he was calling regarding that plan.  He also said "He just wanted to talk to me in general."

I am really struggling with how much his behavior irritates me.  Why?  I think it's because I feel sense of obligation whenever I interact with him.

So. . . out of guilt. . I finally responded to his voicemail with a text to let him know I have no time for a concert before I leave for France.  I was trying to be considerate, but now I feel I should have just not responded.

I am a Pollyanna.

"You can use 'Next Web' for server space.  They don't publicize it much, but that's what it's there for." He said, help/hopefully.

I was at a Drupal working group meeting and I had just told them the story of how our web site went down when someone unplugged our server, just thinking it was a regular computer.  It was sitting on a coffee table.

Yeah. . .it happened twice. True story.

The whole room laughed.  They couldn't believe it.  The ease with which they saw how ludicrous my situation  is with web support really made me feel better.  It sucks when the people you work with see such things as OK, normal, or, more likely, have become inured to them because they are dealing with the same effects constantly.  You feel like you're the crazy one or the naive Pollyanna for wanting to improve the situation.    

I have said this before, and I will say it again.  I am, and will always remain a Pollyanna.

Finish telling your story

I needed to pick my bike up at my friend's after work, so he invited me for dinner as well. We started with sweet champaigne by the pool, and I was telling him about a work situation.

At a certain point he looked at me and said: "You interrupted me." as he smiled.

I hadn't noticed.

Then he explained he was glad, that it was a 'milestone' he said as he laughed, knowingly making a reference to my blog. I was glad, too, because I was relaxed and not overly concerned.

We women get too caught up with being proper and polite (i.e, demonstrating being a 'good girl' which is just a people-pleaser). I'm not saying one should interrupt or not listen, but just be secure enough to finish telling one's story.