Society, and bell hooks on Abuse vs. Love

We as a society have got to figure out how to deal with conflict with love, and, without abuse.  bell hooks differentiates between functional families and dysfunctional  families by how they deal with problems and conflict:

"In functional families individuals face conflict, contradictions, times of unhappiness, and suffering just like dysfunctional families do; the difference lies in how these issues are confronted and resolved, in how everyone copes in moments of crisis." p. 211, All About Love

She also says that "while it has been crucial for collective self-recovery that we have exposed and continue to expose dysfunction, it is equally important to revel in and celebrate its absence." I have friends who are awesome parents, and I appreciate them all the more in pondering this thought.

I like to keep in mind that much of what we suffer has to do with problems in our society at large, that our individuality is created by how we relate to the collective. Also that our true identity is divine.  The idea that we can exist in isolation creates a false sense of independence.  Independence comes from trusting yourself in your interactions with others - not from not being able to function without help or without interacting.