Sure signs. . .subtle signals

I went went out to dinner with someone I have been friends with for a long time. He chatted up our server, and I could tell she really liked him.  So I said she really likes you. Later on, when we were about to leave he asked her if she would like to go out sometime.

I think he made her day. . . first of all, he was asking her all about her self and making substantive compliments before that, and secondly he listened to her and she opened up a lot.  Sure signs.

That and her big smile.

He wondered aloud if at first she thought we were a couple and may have been surprised by his proposition.  We thought about it and decided that if someone was really observing us they could figure out we were not on a date and we were not a couple. We were too comfortable around each other to be on a date, and we were not behaving like a married couple either.

So, perhaps it didn't surprise her at all when he asked her out at the end of our "date".

Biological forces. . .but it ain't so bad

According to Darwinian Evolution, men are programmed to be attracted to women with features indicating fertility. These include (but are not limited to): a certain waste-to-hip ratio, full lips (indicator of high estrogen levels as well), and others.  In addition, indicators of health (which also tend to align with universal standards of beauty) are very important: shiny thick hair; clear glowing skin, and overall symmetry of face and body.

What is my point here? Well, as we age, each of those diminishes (well not so sure about the symmetry, but the point is older=less fertile-looking).  That means, scientifically speaking, we continually grow less attractive!

What a gut punch that one is.

I was catching up with an old friend a few nights ago and as I expressed this feeling to him, he expressed that it's just as brutal for men - their attractiveness for women stays in proportion to their resources (i.e., wealth).  With these as universal elements in human experience, it's no wonder there is so much injustice in the world.

But the good news is, there are so many more factors than that.  Men are interested in so much more than fertility, just as women need a lot more than wealth or resources.

Sandy, a reason for wine

The last couple weekends have been very cold. Yet, I've been finding myself outdoors quite a bit! My boyfriend and I have a penchant for bubbly, so he has been packing a bottle in his back pack on these excursions.  One Sunday we decided to crack it open at the bus stop to make the fact we were freezing seem more "palatable"! We even waved a bus on to finish our glasses! Ha!

I was communicating with a friend in New York City about her experience during hurricane Sandy and I asked her how she could keep warm with no power or hot water for five days.  She said she didn't much keep warm, but she and her family drank a lot of their wine.

I have been thinking I really need to look critically at what I consume and stop taking in anything which isn't good for me - including, and especially, alcoholic beverages.  When I try to discern alcohol's purpose, there doesn't seem to be a good one.  Except when I think of the immense comfort it brings during times of physical hardship.

There is a time and place for everything.

Diverse cultural perspectives on courtship

I stopped by one of my regular coffee spots to get some writing done yesterday and saw one of the owners. He has befriended me over the past year as I spend a lot of time there.  He came over to my table to catch up with me after he served all of the drinks that had been ordered.

One of the things he asked me about is if there is a man in my life.  He is from Pakistan and quite traditional so that is a very normal question in his culture.  I told him that I need to focus on my candidacy exam for the next few months, and then I would work on getting married, but for now I have a good man in my life who is treating me well.

He lamented the fact that men here don't have any "long term feelings" about relationships with women.  He was like, "It must be so hard.  It's horrible."

Actually, I agree with him.  Without the courtship mechanism, men have very little incentive to commit to one woman.  That said, I could never be comfortable in a traditional culture which institutes such mechanisms because they also constrain the individual, especially women.